From Stress to Strength: 7 Myths About Seeing a Therapist in Fairfax, VA — Busted
You’ve heard people talk about therapy. You’ve seen it portrayed in media. It feels like it might be helpful to talk to someone, but you’re just not sure it’s for you. Maybe you were raised to feel like your problems weren’t important or your pain was in your head. Maybe you legitimately struggle to find time to prioritize your needs. Maybe spending resources on yourself feels selfish or self-indulgent. Considering starting therapy can bring up all kinds of uncertainty. And often, people imagine therapy as something very different than it is. Below are 7 myths about therapy so that you know what to expect if you are considering working with a therapist in Fairfax, VA. For more about what can be accomplished in therapy, check out my previous post, From Stress to Strength: Transformations with a Therapist in Fairfax, VA.
Myth #1: You Have to Have a Diagnosis to See a Therapist
Therapy can be helpful for people with mental health diagnoses who want to get their symptoms under control. But therapy is not just for people with a diagnosed mental illness. My clients seek therapy for relationship struggles, life transitions, identity exploration, self-esteem, people-pleasing, and patterns or dynamics they would like to better understand or change. They come to me when something feels “off,” even if they don’t know what it is. They come for better self-understanding, to process experiences, and to heal old wounds. The bottom line is you don’t need to be in crisis to reach out. If you are struggling, that matters. You deserve a space to work through it safely and without judgment. Working with a therapist in Fairfax, VA can provide that space.
Myth #2: Therapy is Just Someone Listening (and occasionally asking, “how does that make you feel?”)
Active listening and helping you feel heard are important tasks for a therapist. But therapy is so much more than a place to vent. Good therapy is active and collaborative and involves both support and gentle challenge. Therapist and client work together to explore patterns, understand barriers, and experiment with ways to make meaningful change.
Myth #3: A Therapist Will Tell Me What To Do
Your therapist is not there to make decisions for you. After all, it is your life, and you are the one who has to live with the consequences. A good therapist can help you better understand your feelings, values, needs, and fears, and can increase your confidence in making the right decisions for you. Therapy is not about getting advice, but rather about helping you to develop agency and self-knowledge. The goal is for you to feel a sense of ownership over your choices, so that you feel more able to make future decisions, long after therapy has ended.
Myth #4: You Have to Know Exactly What You Want to Talk About
A lot of clients start therapy because they know they are struggling, but they don’t know why. Many people arrive knowing only that they are unhappy, overwhelmed, or stuck. Or even just that they thought their life would feel different (bigger, more beautiful, more joyful) than it does. You don’t need perfectly articulated treatment goals to start therapy. You don’t even have to know what you want to talk about from week to week! Part of a therapist’s job is to help identify the themes and patterns that emerge so you can figure out what’s bothering you and decide what you want to do about it.
Myth #5: Therapy Means Digging Up the Past and then Dissecting It Forever
Different types of therapy focus on the past, present, and future to different degrees. Some behavioral therapies don’t deal with the past at all. Many forms of therapy do involve discussing past experiences, but that doesn’t mean that you will spend all your time reliving your childhood. Examining old wounds can be relevant because these experiences inform our current ways of managing our lives and relationships. Beliefs about how people should behave or what gives someone value are learned in childhood, often in painful ways that we carry into our adult lives. By exploring the past, we can better understand the ways in which past and present experiences intersect. We can then work together to heal those wounds so that present you has more options for how to respond to your life.
Myth #6: If I Don’t ‘Click’ with My Therapist, It Means Therapy Won’t Work for Me
One of the most important factors in whether therapy is effective is the ‘fit’ between the therapist and client. But different therapists have different personalities, approaches, areas of expertise, and ways of working, and each client brings different things to the relationship as well. It can help to look for a therapist who understands your identity and experiences. But, even if their approach is what you were looking for and they are an expert in your area of need, if the ‘fit’ is off, therapy is unlikely to be successful. Because of this, it is important to pay attention to how you feel with your therapist, first in the consultation call, and later, in the first few sessions. You may feel some initial nerves with any new therapist, but overall, you should feel heard, respected, and comfortable with being yourself. If you don’t, it is totally okay to talk to your therapist about this, either to address your concerns or to ask for referrals to another therapist.
Myth #7: Seeing a Therapist Means Something is Wrong with Me
Many folks in our culture are socialized to think that asking for support means that you are weak, broken, or incapable of handling your life. As a result, many of us resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms when life becomes overwhelming. But really, because help-seeking has been so stigmatized, people who seek out therapy are demonstrating that they are strong, brave, and willing to do what is necessary to handle things in a healthy and productive way. Therapy can be an intentional investment in self-understanding, improving relationships, and personal growth. When the same old patterns are getting you the same old results, asking for support to change those patterns is just good sense.
Finding the Right Therapist in Fairfax, VA
Therapy can look very different depending on the person, the therapist, and the goals of the work. If you are looking for a good-fit therapist in Fairfax, VA, consider asking:
- Does this therapist specialize in working with me or my concerns?
- Do I feel comfortable being honest with them?
- Do I feel respected and understood?
Check out some of my previous posts for more information about how to find a therapist that is right for you. Good luck!
Rachel W. Friendly, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and therapist in Fairfax, VA.
Dr. Friendly provides therapy for adults in VA, MA, CA, and DC. Her collaborative, relational, and trauma-informed approach helps clients explore identity, relationships, people-pleasing, boundaries, and patterns that may be getting in the way of living the life they want. She specializes in supporting over-accommodating women, the queer and gender expansive communities, and college and graduate students, using relational and feminist therapy as well as IFS (internal family systems therapy). Learn more about Rachel and her therapy services.