Rachel W. Friendly. Ph.D.
Psychologist in Fairfax, VA
For Adults Who Are Ready to Stop
Shrinking Themselves and Start Living
You were never too much.
You were just in the wrong room.
PhD in Clinical Psychology, Clark University
Licensed Since 2012
Psychologist in Fairfax, VA
You’ve Been Living for Everyone Else.
Now You're Ready to Find Yourself Again.
Somehow, you always thought your life would be more than this. More meaningful. More joyful. More free. More true.
Instead, it feels like you've spent years doing what you're supposed to do. Meeting expectations. Taking care of responsibilities. Showing up for everyone else.
From the outside, your life looks perfectly fine. Successful even. You have relationships, accomplishments, and a life that others admire.
Yet inside, it feels like something is missing.
You find yourself wondering where you went.
You've spent years trying to be agreeable, accommodating, successful, or easy to be around. You've learned that being accepted often means becoming smaller. Quieter. Less demanding. Less visible.
You smile when you are supposed to smile. You say the right things. You try to be easy to love, easy to understand, easy to manage.
But sometimes you just want to scream.
Not because you're falling apart, or because you’re dramatic or broken, but because you're tired of shrinking yourself, of editing your words, of questioning your instincts. Tired of pretending you're fine when something deep inside you is asking for more.
The world wants you smaller. Quieter. More agreeable. Less emotional. Less inconvenient. Your true self feels too big, too loud, too messy. Too much.
And that hurts.
It hurts in a way that is hard to explain, because from the outside, no one can even tell that you’re struggling.
So, you keep going. You keep shrinking. You keep performing the version of yourself the world finds acceptable. And you wonder, quietly, if this is just how it has to be.
But something inside of you keeps whispering that this cannot be all there is. Some part of you knows there is a version of yourself that feels more alive, more connected, more authentic.
You just aren't sure how to get there yet.
The Cost of Feeling Silenced
Most of the folks I work with have spent years receiving messages, directly or indirectly, that certain parts of themselves are too much. Women, queer adults, and trans and gender expansive folks often carry these messages in particularly painful ways.
You adapted. Of course you did.
You learned how to make yourself easier for other people.
How to hide the parts that felt vulnerable.
How to become who others needed you to be.
Those strategies have helped you survive emotionally. They helped you belong. But they also left you feeling lonely, disconnected, and unsure of who you are beneath the roles you've been playing.
Therapy offers an opportunity to move beyond survival and begin building a life that feels more authentic, connected, and aligned with who you really are.
This isn't about becoming someone different. It's about reconnecting with the person you've always been beneath the expectations, roles, and survival strategies you've developed along the way.
Imagine what it might be like to stop apologizing for who you are.
Imagine feeling connected to yourself instead of constantly second-guessing.
Imagine trusting your own voice.
Imagine setting boundaries without overwhelming guilt.
Imagine feeling comfortable taking up space in your relationships, your work, and your life.
Just imagine.
Therapy That Helps You Come Home to Yourself
VA License #: 810004656 | DC License #: PSY200001476 | Massachusetts License #: 11340 | California License #: 27922
I'm Rachel W. Friendly, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Fairfax, VA.
I help adults who have historically felt silenced develop greater self-compassion, build healthier relationships, and embrace their truest selves.
My clients are thoughtful, emotionally deep, intelligent people who have spent years trying to fit into spaces that never fully made room for them. They are successful, caring, and self-aware. They often come to therapy feeling stuck in familiar patterns, and they struggle with people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-criticism, relationship challenges, or a persistent feeling that they have lost themselves.
Therapy is a place where you no longer have to change yourself to fit into some mold that was never made for you.
You do not have to convince me that your struggles are serious enough. You do not have to minimize your pain because your life looks good on paper. You do not have to keep pretending you are okay when you are not.
You get to show up exactly as you are.
My clients often tell me that one of the most meaningful parts of our work together is feeling genuinely seen, heard, and valued. Together, we create space to explore your identities, build a more loving relationship with yourself, and understand the relationship patterns that are keeping you stuck.
We approach these patterns with compassion, not judgment. Because these coping strategies developed for a reason.
We'll pay attention to what happens between us in therapy. The therapeutic relationship itself can become a powerful place for learning and healing. The ways you relate to me often reflect the patterns that show up elsewhere in your life. As we notice those patterns together, you'll have opportunities to practice new ways of relating, communicating, trusting, and caring for yourself. Those experiences can then be carried into the rest of your life.
I also integrate evidence-based approaches, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), to help you better understand the many parts of yourself. You may have parts that strive for perfection, avoid conflict, seek approval, or carry old wounds. Rather than judging those parts, we'll get curious about them. As you begin understanding their stories, you can start healing old wounds, developing self-trust, and cultivating genuine self-compassion.
Over time, therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, even the parts that have been buried underneath shame, fear, perfectionism, or people pleasing. We begin making room for your preferences, your emotions, your boundaries, your voice.
You’ll learn that authenticity is not selfish.
That taking up space is not wrong.
That your needs do not make you a burden.
And slowly, your life will start feeling more like your own. Because healing is not about becoming someone entirely different. It is about becoming more honest with yourself.
You Are Not Broken
Therapy isn't about fixing what's wrong with you.
It's about helping you understand yourself more deeply so you can make choices that reflect your values, needs, and authentic identity.
One of the things that makes my approach different is that I don't sit passively in session, but I also don't tell you what to do. That’s because I believe therapy works best when it's collaborative.
It is not my job to heal you. It is my job to be your guide as you learn how to heal yourself.
I know a great deal about healing.
You know a great deal about you.
Both matter.
Together, we create a space where your wisdom can emerge more clearly and where you can begin trusting yourself again.
Imagine a Life That Feels Like Yours
You may not be able to change every expectation that the world places on you, but you can change your relationship with those expectations, and with yourself.
You can learn to listen to your own voice.
You can build relationships that make room for your full humanity.
You can stop measuring your worth by how comfortable you make other people.
You can develop greater compassion for the parts of yourself that have been carrying so much for so long.
Most importantly, you can begin creating a life that feels more aligned with who you truly are. A life that feels meaningful, joyful, and true.
And you do not have to figure out how to get there alone.
Click on the specialty area below to learn how I can help!
Therapy for Women
LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy
Gender Affirming Care
IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems)
College & Graduate Student Mental Health
Contact me today for your free, 20-minute phone consultation for therapy.
If you're looking for a Psychologist in Fairfax, VA who offers a warm, collaborative, and affirming space to explore your identities, strengthen your relationships, and deepen your connection with yourself, I'd be honored to support you.
Reach out today to schedule your free consultation call!
Member: Northern Virginia Association of Clinical Psychologists (NVCP), Virginia Association of Clinical Psychologists (VACP), National Register of Health Service Psychologists
In-person and virtual options for working with a psychologist in Fairfax, VA
Our office is conveniently located in Fairfax County (North Springfield). Therapy can also be provided via telehealth for clients located anywhere in Virginia, Washington DC, Massachusetts, or California.
Frequently Asked Questions About Working with a Psychologist in Fairfax, VA
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Most of my clients have lives that look great from the outside. They are successful, high-functioning, bright, engaged people with full lives. But on the inside, the struggle is real. Ultimately, just because your life appears stable doesn’t mean your emotional pain is not real. And emotional pain is not less important just because others can’t see it. Therapy is a place where your internal experience matters.
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The first session is a chance for us to begin to get to know one another. We’ll spend about 45-minutes talking about what you’ve been struggling with, but also how you got to where you are, who the important people in your life are, and what your hopes are for the future. I will answer any questions you may have and we will come up with a plan for how to move forward together. Above all, the first session, like every session thereafter, is a conversation - there is never any pressure to share everything at once.
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Feeling nervous and having trouble opening up in the first few sessions is completely normal. Many people who have spent years hiding parts of themselves need time to feel safe enough to share honestly, even with themselves! Therapy moves at your pace, and we will deepen the work as our relationship deepens and your trust in the process grows.
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No. Healthy boundaries and living authentically are not selfish. Therapy helps you care for yourself while still maintaining meaningful relationships with others.
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Yes. I identify as a queer- and gender-affirming therapist and I love to support the LGBTQ+ community. I work with folks on everything from exploring identity and developing self-love to building healthier relationships with others. Some folks come to me for ongoing support throughout their identity journey, whereas some folks come in not wanting to focus on anything related to gender and sexuality at all. I am there for it all!
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IFS is an evidence-based therapy approach that helps people understand different parts of themselves with curiosity and compassion, leading to greater healing and self-trust. IFS says that all parts of ourselves are valuable, and all are trying to help in their own way, even that ones that feel like obstacles or symptoms.
IFS is not like traditional “talk therapy.” It’s more experiential (feeling into what is going on inside of you) and driven entirely by your needs in the moment. Most clients find with IFS, they feel less like they are being analyzed and more like they are being understood.
I completed Level 1 IFS training through the IFS Institute, which means I'm trained in the model's core framework. I integrate it with other evidence-based approaches depending on what fits you.
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It depends on what you want to work on. Some clients come for a focused period around a specific issue or life circumstance. Others choose longer term work to deeply shift lifelong patterns. Still others want an ongoing space where they can process things as they come up in their life week by week. We will discuss this at the beginning of therapy, and we will continue to check in every so often to make sure your goals are being met and that our session frequency still makes sense.
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Yes. Therapy is confidential with a few legal exceptions, including harm to self, harm to others, mandating reporting of child or elder abuse/neglect, and court orders. We will review these more thoroughly during our first session.
Confidentiality means that, even if someone were to contact me about you, I can’t acknowledge whether we’ve met or anything about the content of sessions without your written permission to do so. I take this incredibly seriously!
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Every therapist is different. And even therapists who use the same techniques will feel different because every therapeutic relationship is different. Previous experiences can provide valuable information about what was helpful and what you need moving forward, but the one guarantee is that it will be different from your past experiences.
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Reach out to schedule an initial consultation call with a psychologist in Fairfax, VA. Together, we can determine whether working together feels like the right next step.